There Is No Comfort in Death

©2012 Maryam Ismail

Within the past month or so, African Americans have been killed either by police or self-defenders protected under the law.  Trayvon Martin was killed on February 26^th, According to a New York Times report, on March 24^th, in Pasadena,  California, Kendrec  McDade was shot at eight times and killed as he reached for his waistband, believing their lives were in danger. In Chicago, on March 22^nd, Rekia Boyd died after being shot in the head by an off duty police officer while hanging out in the park. These murders have pierced the heart of the African American community.

Add to this the murder of Shaima Alawadhi or racial profiling of Muslim students and mosque goers, and you have a common thread.  These are two groups of people that we (those who are participating within the structure of white supremacy) are not comfortable with you around us the way you presently, look, act, dress, talk or pray, etc.  In essence until you change so that we aren’t afraid of you, you shouldn’t be here.

 At the Abu Dhabi International Book Fair, on Saturday, Wajahat Ali, head researcher of the report, Fear Inc., stated that “Before it was Arabs or Muslims, but now Islam is the enemy.”  Knowing that this sentiment is pervasive, the story of Shaima Al Awadhi remains at the lower end of the spectrum in terms of coverage.

Also, the murder of Shaima Al Awadhi has seeming been pushed aside by the coverage of Martin and other killings of African Americans because, unlike hers, it’s a single incident. Another reason is that although some are suspecting her death as a probable hate crime it’s not one that involves the state or laws that justify vigilante justice which are now being used in incidents where racism comes into play.

 Nevertheless, this doesn’t mean that hate crimes against Muslims don’t happen. I’ve seen it happen shortly after 911. A man attacked a woman in the supermarket claiming that she (the representative of all Muslims world-wide) blew up the World Trade Center.  Little did he know that she had back up, my husband and his friends and I created such a fuss that the guy and his wife were escorted out of the store. The owners, the Corrado Brothers of Corrado’s in Clifton, New Jersey, were not going to let anyone disturb their customers. They were among the few that I’ve seen who would stand up for Muslims during that time.

The Martin case, has caused such outrage is mostly because of the circumstances around it clearly point to wrong doing. A kid visiting a relative in gated community, and was then approached by someone who didn’t live there. Listening to the recording of the phone call made by Martin’s killer to 9-1-1, we hear him being told, to not follow Martin; basically, leave him alone.

 I don’t know what went through George Zimmerman’s mind as he followed Martin. What I do know is that Martin’s death is a lynching. One that in the eyes of the law, is ok. It’s as Wild West as you could get; if you don’t like the way someone looks you can just kill him and get to go home.

“Stereotypes of a black man misunderstood, but it’s still all good,” rapper The Notorious B.I.G so aptly put it. But it wasn’t all good.

This is was especially the case in aftermath of the seemingly endless brutal violence in New York City duringthe 1990’s. Eleanor Bumpers, Michael Griffith, Gavin Cato, Aamadu Diallo are some of the names of the fallen. In retrospect, can’t help but see a pattern between what happened to him and New York during the tenure of Mayor David Dinkins and these final days of the Obama administration.

 Dinkins, the first African American mayor of New York City, whose skin color and history (race) proved to be more salt in old wounds then a healing balm of the African Americans living there.  Most of you may not know the many names of those who died during that decade in New York City alone, but they represent the terror of the 1990’s. Many were victims of perception. In 1994, Dinkins was followed by Rudolph  Guliani. He had a different approach he used paddy wagons that rounded up everyone who look like they didn’t belong on the streets of New York.

During the Guliani administration, 1999,  Ahmadu Diallo a Guinean college student,  was shot 41 times by off-duty New York police officers as he reached for his wallet (they assumed it was a gun).  Initially, his killers were indicted by a Bronx grand jury, but after a ‘change of venue’ which moved the trial to Albany, where they were acquitted.

 This Saturday on the Melissa Harris Perry Show, Diallo’s mother came out to speak about the similarities between the killing of her son and Trayvon Martin. One element has been the attempts to portray Trayvon in a negative light, something that Kadiatou Diallo called “Heartbreaking. First suffering the loss of a child, then having to go out and defend his honor.”

I have two sons in the US, both African American and Muslim and I pray every day for their safety. I listened to the terrifying howling of what is now being said to be the voice of Trayvon Martin, and then, I heard the sound of a gunshot. I felt it bounce off my heart. After that, I didn’t hear anymore howling. 

Some Old School: Remembering the Nakba Everywhere

Cliches in The Hurt Locker

Maryam Ismail (AT HOME) / 30 March 2010

The film The Hurt Locker is an infomercial for the war on terror, reiterating the one-sided portrayal of US soldiers as self-sacrificing and hardworking. Iraqis in the film however are corrupt, sneaky, and cowardly. Conversely, this film made by a woman, had only one woman in it whose lines don’t amount to a single paragraph.

The voices of the women, especially those affected by the war are hard to find. It’s time to create an oral history of victims of Afghanistan, Iraq, and Pakistan, Palestine, Lebanon. In this project there can be no wailing, chest pounding, grovelling, moaning or bizarre conspiracy theories.  Just voices of women, girls, and mothers-whose voices have been locked up in the sort of media ventriloquism of aid workers, documentary makers, UN officials, and powerless 
peace activists.

The traditional media outlets of AP, UPI, Reuters, as well as other global players have split the discourse into two sides colouring one hero and the other terrorist and for the most part, both are male. To spice up this black and white canvas, there are stories of Iraqi women and girls being forced into prostitution or unwanted refugees who’ve been rejected as asylum seekers. But what about those who remain behind? How do they cope with the battalions of missionaries, social reformers, and cultural opportunists coming to ‘save them’? 

I found a warm fuzzy story about happy refugees who’ve made peace with their predicament and the suffering on the web site, Teacherstv. This video about Iraqi refugee children in Syria, was reminiscent of the 18^th century polemics of the happy slave, when no one is happy. But it’s human nature to take the worst situation and do the best you can with it. In my search for videos about Iraqi moms, I found a horrendous video from Parents TV promoting a children organisation called Campfire USA. Armed with a scheme called ‘Operation Iraqi children’, Campfire USA organised a school supplies drive for Iraqi children. readmore 

The End of M Magazine and My Life articles

Sniff, I can't believe it. It's over, just like that. Two weeks ago, I got an email from my beloved editor that M Magazine was being canceled effective immediately. The line was that "They did survey and the audiences wanted something different."

I don't know what the real story is, but it just was done in such a way that made me wonder.

Anyway, it will mean that I will be working on my anthology, currently entitled From Alaska to Mongolia, but I'm thinking about changing this. The idea was to write about the experiences of Muslims around the globe.

But let me ask you guys, What do you want to know about the Muslim world?

Please spare me the silly questions such as those about 4 wives, 70k virgins, and stoning and loss of limbs. Google it if you are dying to know.

Just think of this entry as the question box.

Ask away. 

Desert Island Books: Filiz Ahmet

Maryam Ismail

Apr 11, 2012

http://www.thenational.ae/featured-content/channel-page/lifestyle/middle-article-list/desert-island-books-filiz-ahmet

It's a lovely irony that Filiz Ahmet, the lead in the historical television series Muhtesem Yüzyil (The Magnificent Century), is a by-product of the Ottoman campaigns into Europe. An ethnic Turk from Macedonia, she is a star on both sides of the Bosphorus - in her native hometown, Skopje, and in Istanbul. Ahmet, 30, made her stage debut at the age of 6 alongside her grandfather, the theatrical legend Lütfü Seyfullah, at the Skopje National Turkish Theatre. She attended the Skopje Academy of Fine Arts Theatre Company and in 2003 won the Best Young Actress award for her role in the play Küçürekkiz. However, her transition from stage to the small screen wasn't easy, as she would get panic attacks in front of the camera. "At the time, I just felt that once they started shooting it was never going to end," she says. "It took me about two months to get used to the camera, now I'm very comfortable with it." Her television career began when she starred in the Macedonian series Galina, the story of a family set during the Balkan war. She then moved on to Turkish TV in the series Elveda Rumeli. The creators of Muhtesem Yüzyil asked her to read the script for the pilot, and she liked it and accepted the part of Nigar Kalfa. The hit series, based on intrigues in the harem of Sultan Suleyman the Magnificent, airs around the globe from Uzbekistan to the US. It is on Dubai TV as Hareem Sultan. Ahmet tells Maryam Ismail about her Desert Island Books.

THE LITTLE PRINCE by Antoine de Saint Exupery

This classic was one of the first books I read as a child. Once I started it, I couldn't put it down until I finished it. At the time, I found the pictures so fascinating that I kept going back to look at them again and again. It's really just a little tale, but it taught me that there's a whole new world beyond my imagination, and it might just be better than anything I could have imagined. After many years, I've re-read it as an adult, and realised how much influence it has had on the direction I've taken in my life. This is most definitely a book that gets my heart fluttering with excitement even if I read just a few chapters.

 A MEMENTO FOR ISTANBUL by Ahmet Ümit

This mystery starts in present-day Istanbul when a body is found with an ancient coin in its hand; solving the case means going all the way back to the Byzantine era. It's sort of a history of murders in Istanbul. In this book you learn not only how people lived in the city at different times throughout history, but also how laws have changed over time as well. While reading about murders, I learned a lot about Istanbul that I never knew - amazing!

 THE LITTLE PRINCE by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

This classic was one of the first books I read as a child. Once I started it, I couldn't put it down until I finished it. At the time, I found the pictures so fascinating that I kept going back to look at them again and again. It's taught me that there's a whole new world beyond my imagination, and it might just be better than anything I could have imagined. I've re-read it as an adult, and realised how much influence it has had on the direction I've taken in my life.

 PUSLU KITALAR ATLASI by Ihsan Oktay Anar

This is one book that everyone must read at least once in their lifetime, especially because of its flawless narrative style and how it plays with history. It takes you back to Ottoman times and asks the reader, how would life have been different if people then had thought about things differently? What if they had been sceptics? As the story takes shape one can feel a sense of tranquility. This book tries to say a lot, but if I give too much away, it will take away from its magic. I advise all of those who haven't read it yet to do so the first chance they get.

 THINK OF A NUMBER by John Verdon

This is the first of the Dave Gurney series and it's the best detective story I've read in years. It's about a psychopath who sends menacing messages, filled with riddles and numbers. Once I got it in my hands I didn't want to put it down. But I had to settle for reading it when I had time between shooting scenes of Muhtesem Yüzy¿l. It was really hard when it came my turn to shoot. As soon as I was done filming, I'd run back to my place just continue reading it. It was so real it made me wonder, could something like that really happen?

 SERENAD by Zülfü Livaneli

Livaneli is my kind of writer. My family and I have been following his work over the years. As soon as this book was released, people rushed to get it and criticised it a lot. Nevertheless, to me the book is beautiful. It's a love story that begins at the start of the First World War and the dismantling of the Ottoman Empire. It follows a woman from her past to her present and it uses breathtaking language to tie every scene together seamlessly. Serenad makes you relive history; each event in it is so well researched and told in such exquisite detail. Reading it was like an education in itself.

 EVRENDEN TORPILIM VAR by Aykut Ogut

I often read self-help books that my friends recommend to me. With Evrenden Torpilim Var, I found that it talked about so many things that happened to me in my own life. It teaches you that you can get over any obstacles that come your way. This is one book that you can't just read once and then put up on the shelf. For sure there will be times in your life when you have challenges and you will want to refer to it again and again

Best friends forever

The National staff

Apr 28, 2012 

http://www.thenational.ae/featured-content/channel-page/lifestyle/middle-article-list/best-friends-forever

Comforting, thoughtful, kind and generous, our best friends are always there for us and often know us even better than we know ourselves. We meet three sets of true BFFs and learn what feelings and shared interests bind them together. Photographs by Tina Chang

Maryam Ismail, 48, and Aayisha Nur Ismail, 8, and Khadijah Nur Ismail, 10

From Newark, New Jersey, US and Sharjah

How and when they met?

Maryam met both her girls on their birthdays but in two different countries. Aayisha was born in Dubai and Khadijah was born in Newark, New Jersey. "As an expat in the UAE I didn't know many people," she says, "and so, my children became my constant friends and companions. We became friends when we discovered our mutual love for foreign languages and history."

Why are you best friends?

"Love is the reason," says Maryam. "We just love to be together. When people ask me if I like having kids, I always answer: 'Of course.' Every time I look at Khadijah's lovely face, I remember how I felt the day she was born. After two boys she was my first girl, my dream baby. 'Did you see that pretty baby?' people would say whenever we went out shopping. She was my trophy. Now, she's my smart cookie."

Best thing about them?

Maryam: "With Aayisha, I've learnt that there is no excuse for holding onto pain. She's the bravest person that I know. She suffers from eczema terribly sometimes, and yet, she always has a ready smile and tons of sweetness to go with it. As for Khadijah, I call her my personal secretary, Ever since she was four she's had this ability to observe things and learn them really fast. This comes in handy when your day is as hectic as mine."

Khadijah: "The best thing about our mother is that she is cuddly and sweet and we look alike. She always encourages me to do the things I like. Right now, my favourite is cooking. She's always letting me pick stuff out of the cookbooks to make."

Aayisha: Leaning back on her mother's arm, she says: "She's kind like a heart," and smiles. "She picks the best toys! Also, I'm her teddy bear and she's mine."

Defining moment

Maryam: "For me the defining moment was when I began home-schooling them. Most parents feel that they need a break from kids; however, I don't. They're my little buddies. I then realised that I actually enjoyed their company. We chat, play together and have a lot of fun."

Maryam Ismail

A writer writes about a writer

http://www.thenational.ae/arts-culture/books/successful-start-for-iranian-american-teen-romance-author#full

Successful start for Iranian-American teen romance author

Maryam Ismail

Mar 24, 2012 

Tahereh Mafi wrote her debut novel in less than three months, has completed the second and has Hollywood knocking on her door. Maryam Ismail meets the young author who has taken the publishing world by storm with her saga of a uniquely tactile teenager. 

Tahereh Mafi heard a voice in her head and started to write. The musings of this voice turned into a novel and that soon turned into a trilogy. Now she's an example of a literary success.

I first found out about Mafi on the blog of the author and former literary agent Nathan Bransford, when I was learning the ropes of writing and publishing. I had no idea that this quirky young woman from California would blow up as one of the hottest young-adult writers of 2011. It seems that as soon as I found her she came out with a whisper of a novel (advance reader copies), then two book trailers. Now she's hitting the stratosphere. I can only dream of being so lucky. But it seems luck had little to do with it. Hard work, perseverance, good writing and a fascinating story put Mafi on the swagger list.

"When I'm drafting, I write from 4am to 2am," says Mafi, 24. "I need this much time to find my words. Sometimes, I send my family away for a week until I'm done."

Tahereh Mafi wrote her debut novel in less than three months, has completed the second and has Hollywood knocking on her door. 

This intensity helped Mafi finish that debut young-adult novel, Shatter Me, in two and a half months. And if you can write like that, you don't want to wait around to see if it's a success. So she queried publishers.

The literati may be pitting self-publishing against traditional publishing, but Mafi hit a home run for the old school. "There is so much more in terms of promotion that a publisher can do for you," she says. (For Shatter Me, HarperCollins created a website, released those advance reader copies and filmed two book trailers, one of which premiered on MTV's Hollywood Crush.) "Also, it's so easy to get lost in the e-book world unless you're really willing to work very hard to get your book out there."

Which is why Mafi doesn't waste time when it comes to using social media; she tweets only with one goal in mind, to make contact with her readers. In this respect, she borders on Machiavellian in her calculated effort to go from someone who plays around with words to one who creates worlds. In fact, she says she had no intention of writing a novel.

"I started writing after graduating from university [Soka University of America, in Orange County, California] because I didn't have much to do," she says. Now, with her second novel, Unravel Me completed and set for publication in February 2013, she is working on the last instalment of her trilogy, and awaiting progress on a film of Shatter Me, on which 20th Century Fox has an option.

Mafi's blog, Grab a Pen, which she started before she got her book deal, features writer-friendly advice as well as angst, doubts and straight-backed marching towards an uncertain future. She is traversing the same bumpy, treacherous valleys and sun-kissed hills as do so many writers. Now that her book is out, the daughter of Iranian immigrants is focusing on her website and again on her Twitter, Facebook and Tumblr accounts, where she connects with her fans, who seem to love Shatter Me's three main characters, Juliette, Warner and Adam.

Shatter Me is set in an authoritarian society filled with human misery, war and environmental damage. To break up the gloomy background, Mafi adds a twist of teen love in this chaotic world controlled by the shadowy Reestablishment, and the relationship between Juliette and Adam is a steamy one. Mafi says that Shatter Me is being marketed in Germany for adults, not teens, because of the darkness of the novel, but it might be because of the love scenes.

"The teen years are when we discover these feelings," Mafi says in defending her romantic explicitness. "Juliette needs love. She's been abandoned by everyone." As it turns out, Adam's care and affection help Juliette to shatter doubts about her self-worth and the claims that she's a monster, a teenager with a lethal touch who is highly sought after to be used as a weapon of war.

Yet it is up to Juliette to decide what to do with her power, and this concept underscores the many ways in which women are used as an ends to a means, from war to marketing.

"I wanted to show how we can change a negative into a positive," Mafi says. "A hammer can be used to destroy a house or build one." The author knows this herself, noting: "I wasn't the most popular in high school, but I've overcome that."

I ask if her family was surprised by her success. She laughs and says: "No. When they found out, they said: 'Of course, we knew she could do it.'"

Maryam Ismail on Muslim literary characters

Maryam Ismail

Mar 14, 2012 

http://www.thenational.ae/featured-content/channel-page/lifestyle/middle-article-list/maryam-ismail-on-muslim-literary-characters 

March in the UAE means books. Both Dubai and Abu Dhabi are flush with writers, authors, publishers and agents; everything to make literary dreams come true. However, there aren't enough great books for Muslim kids aged 9-16, who need books that reflect their lives and their culture. How many jinns, vampires, ghosts and goblins must be consumed before enough is enough? 

Obviously, there's a genre crisis. Something funny happened in my stomach when I saw the trailer for the film Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter. Is nothing sacred? Perhaps it's just a girl thing or that one episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer that was mind-numbing trash that made me dislike all things from the world of the undead.

I've tried mysteries, too. I went to my local children's bookseller and my daughter picked up Two-Minute Mysteries by Donald J Sobol. Little did I know that I'd be exposing my then-8 year-old to alcohol and drug users, liars and murderers. When I consulted a librarian in Philadelphia, she told me the book was meant for sixth-graders. I can't say I felt better.

The crisis is really with the Muslim literary canon. I know there will be some who will say: "We don't do literature, it's lying". Of course, lying should not be a priority, but I won't blame Jacqueline Wilson, JK Rowling or Stephenie Meyer for misguiding Muslim youth. It's not their fault. It's mine. I don't mind the responsibility.

I – and you, fellow writers or would-be writers – should be turning out books instead of fewer-than-a-thousand-word quips. I should be writing 10,000 words a day, a novel a year. I'm trying, believe me. Inshallah, I will be successful. And my book will not have any supernatural characters; maybe some blood, maybe some fighting, but it will be something worth reading.

My goal is to add to the genre of halal fiction, to join the ranks of Leila Aboulela, whose work juggles the art of fiction without losing its soul to madness. We can write stories for kids without exceeding the limits of Islam and without being dull or saccharine.

The stories don't have to be overtly religious; more importantly, it's an issue of self-image. How many times has someone read a book and said: "For the first time, I saw someone like me in the story?" Every day, during school, kids read stories with images, names and situations that are strange to them, especially for children who live in the UAE.

Why waste time explaining the behaviour of Willow Smith or Justin Bieber as a cautionary tale? It won't work in this fame-driven global culture. Kids need alternatives. Let's feed their imaginations with adventures in the Muslim world. Why not write of life in the UAE before oil? What was it like? How hard was it to do daily tasks? How much fun was it?

I'd love to read a novel about an 11-year-old girl living in Andalusia or a student of Mimar Sinan in Constantinople during the 1500s or a young Sipahi in the Ottoman Empire.

This doesn't mean you write some cynical story about a wimpy teenager or a hot, steamy Twilight-esque novel; that's not what's needed. Nor is sticking a Muslim name on it enough. Do something totally different. Blow the competition out of the water, inshallah.

OK, there's the homework. Let's get cracking. If any of you seem scared or don't know what to do, send me a message and let's do this.

Maryam Ismail is a sociologist and teacher who divides her time between the US and the UAE. Reach her on Twitter @alaskamongolia, which is the title of her forthcoming anthology. 

Feeling of family fades as expatriates scattered to the wind

Maryam Ismail

Mar 6, 2012 

http://www.thenational.ae/thenationalconversation/comment/feeling-of-family-fades-as-expatriates-scattered-to-the-wind

Two weeks ago, I was helping my husband's sister pack the fragments of her life to ship back to India. Her husband had lost his job and felt there was no use in trying for another one here, since he might make the same or better money back home. So, with only 90 minutes to go, my sister-in-law was trying to stuff every sticker, glass bangle, saucer and hairpin in a box, turning the move into a travelling scrapbook.

And yet, they left so much behind. Two wardrobes, a bed and a kitchen filled with spices, dishes and a stove. It was more than enough for the next person to come in and start cooking. As I helped her sort out everything, I felt a sense of dread. What will I do if I'm the next to go?

In the airport my daughters burst into tears as they wrapped their arms around their "Chachi", or auntie in Tamil, one last time. Next was the turn of my husband's other sister. Embracing, the sisters both used the ends of their sheilas to sop up their tears.

My nephew, my daughters' last cousin here, blinked back tears; nevertheless, he put on his widest smile. He left waving and calling out to his cousins for the entire length of the line to the X-ray machines.

Seeing my daughter, leaning against the wall to hide her sobs, I wanted to grab her and run away from this pain. Such is life for many expatriates, wherever they may be. Family and friends come and go. We all know our turn will come as well, but we pretend like it's never going to happen.

But now it has happened to us. Our family once included 35 members all living within walking distance of one another; we are now six in Sharjah and five in Abu Dhabi. The past three years have been devastating.

This last departure seemed almost like a funeral, where the family tries to get over it quickly, close the box, toss on some dirt and move on. This was my husband's approach, but he was sad too. With his big sister gone, there was one less person to joke and giggle with and to share the stories of their childhood.

Back when we were all together, I'd sit there and watch how he and his mother, sisters and brothers would roar with laughter. And even though I didn't understand a word of it, I didn't care, because I knew it made him happy.

It also saved me from cooking: I'm an American. My mother bought KFC, Gino's and Hardee's every Friday. It might sound like neglect, but from the age of 10 I mostly ate hot dogs roasted on a fork, scrambled eggs, backyard barbecue, and chicken and dumplings with salad. We rarely ate rice, which is a thrice-daily staple in any South Indian home.

With my husband's sister gone, I will have to do all the cooking. This is another tragedy. South Indian cooking is a science and a skill that I don't have, and one which I do not care to learn. It's mind-boggling hard.

My mother-in-law and her daughters can make about 50 dishes with rice, all of them taking about two days. "It's easy," they would tease. Yeah, it's easy to come over and eat it, but not to make it.

One such creation is dosa, made from fermented, ground rice and coconut milk. This crunchy pancake is my youngest daughter's favourite. Every time we visited Chachi she would beg for it. It didn't matter; the batter would be ready.

Now, who will make dosa for my girls? Who will make all of my husband's favourite south Indian dishes? My sister-in-law and her husband have offered to host us in their new home, but five hours on a plane once a year is heartbreaking.

For us, it's the UAE; for others, it's somewhere else. As the search for a better life spreads us across the world, I somehow feel like an old Roman citizen of the empire, where one could move from the Iberian Peninsula to the Levant. These days we call it globalisation. Back then, when your time was up, you were thrown to the lions. This time, it's to the four winds.

As I watched Chachi disappear out of sight, I wanted to cry too. I'll miss her. My sister took care of my girls like they were her own. But most of all, I'll miss the times we spent together, laughing and chatting, and eating dosas.

Maryam Ismail is a teacher based in both the US and the UAE

Fire tragedies leave many homeless and friendless

Maryam Ismail

Feb 20, 2012 

http://www.thenational.ae/thenationalconversation/comment/fire-tragedies-leave-many-homeless-and-friendless#full

My daughter shouted from her room: "Look out the window". Then, I saw the fog of smoke. My junior investigative reporting team (my daughters), went down to see what was going on and brought back a report along with several pictures: the fire was in "Danger Building".

Danger Building got its infamous name after the 2005 Iranian earthquake, when the frightening aftershocks, which made the building shake considerably, sent its residents running outside. On January 10, the residents of Danger Building were out on the streets again, this time escaping from a fire.

From 6am on Friday until Saturday morning, there was almost no one out to help the families that had taken refuge in their cars, corridors of the surrounding buildings, and on the grassy slope supporting the exits on Al Khan Bridge, as they watched their building smolder and burn.

"Have the building owners or management come to see the residents?" I asked. "No. It's Friday...who cares about us?" one resident, Riya, told me. These words stopped me in my tracks. Why does she feel this way? Is it true? I got my answer, when no one responded to those who needed help. I decided to put social media to the test and sent out messages on Twitter and Facebook to several charities and other local organisations that do occasional charity campaigns, but got no reply.

Where were the aid agencies and volunteers who could assist them that chilly, cloudy morning? Why do some cases get more attention than others? Charity can't be about some lending a hand only if the tragedy merits a multi-page, glossy-coloured photo-op, pats on the backs, and international praise.

As the blaze raged, management was mute, but quickly found its voice when it came to matters of money. When some residents decided to cancel their newly signed contracts and asked for their cheques back, the building management had the nerve to demand three months rent.

Fifteen days later, another fire, but this time, the tragedy is multiplied. Over 100 families are homeless, having lost everything. This time, help was forthcoming. And unlike at Danger Building, during the second fire at Al Baker Tower, there were volunteers taking names and numbers. Perhaps it was because Al Baker Tower was only two years old; but then, the question is how did such a new building burn so fast? Looking at the torched skeleton of the building, I thought about all of those who lost everything. Luckily for them there was some help.

Sheikha Bodour bint Sultan Al Qassimi is heading a campaign, in collaboration with several other businesses and charities, to give some assistance to the victims of this devastating tragedy. They are collecting clothes and household items, and assisting people with temporary shelter. This campaign lasted only a week; it will take many many more to recover fully.

How did these two fires start? Were there any fire safety mechanisms in place? Fire drills? In my building, there isn't any. I have a fire extinguisher in my kitchen but I need to practice using it. Mohamed Shakkir, an architect with Haruia Associates, told me that sometimes the building owners will ask that in order to cut costs that the fire exits be removed.

Here are a few tips. If your building has fire exits practice a fire drill with your family. Learn the easiest path out of your building, and keep your important papers and money ready incase you need to leave in a hurry. Ask schools to have a fire safety week. Perhaps with some of these prevention methods, fires can be stopped or their severity lessened. Don't rely on building management.

So where do ordinary expatriates go when they find themselves homeless? Who will come to their aid? Only a few friends, I've learned. When it comes to rent, contracts, and real estate management, tenants are thrown to the lions. It seems heartless that even days later, residents are still homeless. Where will they eat and sleep? How will they get to work and school?

The UAE has many millionaires, businesses and charities helping people around the world.

But charity begins at home. With mercy and care, we can grow together. Without them, we're just individual grains of sand tossed around by the uncaring winds of circumstance.